


Three Lies Overturned

by Jinx13GXA



Series: PRIDE 2020 [7]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Childhood Trauma, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Juvia's pov, Lisanna is stubborn, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Psychological Trauma, Trans! Juvia is implied, and that's a good thing, jose is a bastard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-11
Updated: 2020-06-11
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:27:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24653851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jinx13GXA/pseuds/Jinx13GXA
Summary: Juvia told herself a total of three lies as she grew up, but only because she was convinced they were true.
Relationships: Juvia Lockser/Lisanna Strauss
Series: PRIDE 2020 [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1775530
Kudos: 19
Collections: I Take Pride in What I Am 2020





	Three Lies Overturned

Juvia told herself a total of three lies as she grew up, but only because she was convinced they were true. 

The first of those lies started when she was young, and had been said by a classmate. 

She still lived with her parents at seven years old, and she even went to a small school in her hometown. She would dress up and play with makeup, but it was never well received. She’d wear them out with her hair still cropped up to her ears and makeup smudged. She had been proud of it at the time, since she’d learned all by herself, but one day someone in her class uttered three words that shattered her. “Juvia is ugly.”

And she believed it. She knew she was in the wrong body, and that no matter how much she attempted to compensate for it, others would never see her as she saw herself. So she had to be ugly, right? It didn’t stop her from getting better at makeup and growing her hair out longer the moment she was free of her parents. She worked her ass off to make herself prettier and more womanly according to society's standards, but it didn’t stop those same words from coming out of Bora’s lips back when they were dating and he thought she couldn’t hear him. 

The second lie she believed had been uttered by a child with frightened eyes and scarred hands. 

She had still been in phantom lord then and everyone there was violent by nature. She was coerced into a mission to stop a dark guild, but Jose had told her not to leave anyone alive. “No prisoners, Juvia. They pose more of a threat to us than you think.” She hadn’t thought twice as she ended life after life that day. The bosses had been pathetic, and she remembered wiping her bloody hands on her dress just as clear as she remembered being called ugly. 

The moment she turned around, she made eye contact with a child who had been hiding. She looked up at Juvia, fear filling her eyes, and uttered her words in quiet terror, “You’re a monster.” Her partner for the mission shot her without hesitation, muttering something about not having any witnesses. It had been the moment that Juvia was sure she didn’t really belong in Phantom lord. She said nothing in fear she would cry, but later that night, she repeated the words to herself while staring into her broken mirror. 

The third lie had been one she told herself. 

She would wake up at night only to barely swallow the screams that remained stuck in her throat from the vivid images she’d dream. No matter how long she spent scrubbing her hands the blood would never go away. She saw so many faces, so many people all blaming her. Even the people she called friends would call her a monster with the same terror as the little girl. 

“No one will ever love Juvia.”

Despite it being the lie she believed for the shortest amount of time, it was the one she believed the most. She tore herself apart over and over again, her water body being the only thing to save her on the occasions that tearing herself up included physical pain. Her mind was a trap for her emotions and her emotions a trap for her mind; it was nothing but a never ending loop of self hatred and hiding. 

It had taken a long time for Juvia to realize that any of these were lies, and even more importantly, it had taken a person to tell her three truths instead and mean them. 

Lisanna had called her beautiful every chance she’d gotten, and it made Juvia’s heart flutter every time. She would crush the feeling right after, chastising herself for believing the “lie.” Lisanna continued to do it though, and it slowly chipped at Juvia’s walls. One day Lisanna held her in the rain and mud, both of them a mess, she had said it then Lisanna seeing her beauty while she was at her worst had broken the first lie. 

Juvia was always careful around everyone. She treated the guild almost like a minefield, terrified that anyone would see through her and realize that she was naught but a monster in human skin. She was defensive and closed off, just as she had been in phantom. Gajeel had opened up much faster than her.

Once again though, Lisanna chipped through her walls bit by bit. She’d speak softly and kindly with Juvia even on Day’s Juvia was snappy. She never laughed at her or said harsh words like the people in phantom had, and Juvia was beyond grateful. 

After tenrou, Juvia avoided the guild like the plague. Asuka was adorable, but she asked far too many questions. That night her face replaced the little girl her former partner had shot, and her bloodied face had cried out as Juvia did nothing. 

Eventually, she was unable to get away from her. Lisanna had unintentionally boxed her in one of the guild’s booths, and Asuka had launched herself right into Juvia’s lap. “Can you fix my braids?” It had been such an innocent question, and there was no way for Juvia to refuse without upsetting her, which was the very thing she was avoiding. She was careful not to pull too hard as she pulled each section into a somewhat decent braid. Asuka had thanked her and run off again in no time, but it hadn’t alleviated Juvia’s stress. 

Lisanna leaned against her once Asuka moved, then whispered words Juvia didn’t expect to hear. “You’re so sweet Juvia.” It had mentally disarmed her and flipped her views in mere moments, but that didn’t mean she could overturn years of lies in under a minute. Lisanna continued to say the same to her whenever Juvia would do anything to help, and that effort is the only reason it left her mind at all. 

The last lie was the hardest to break. No matter how many days she was held in Lisanna’s arms, the thought would still creep in and repeat itself until she snuck away and cried alone. No amount of hand holding could erase the thin scars from the places her water body had stitched her back together. No amount of soft kisses on her lips could erase the self hatred that had driven her to the brink time and time again. 

That doesn’t mean they didn’t help. 

If the wall that read “ugly” was made of wood, and the one that read “monster” of iron, then the self hatred was diamond. Impossible to scratch and as solid as Lisanna was stubborn. 

That’s why it came down all at once, shattering into a million pieces the day Lisanna held her close and laid siege to her face and lips with soft kisses and compliments that made her heart swell up from within that wall. She felt Lisanna wipe away the tears on her face long before she felt the tears themselves, and it only made her cry harder. 

  
All three of the things she believed to be irreversible truths had been proven lies by one person, and as she lay there, pressed as close to Lisanna as possible, Juvia acknowledged that her biggest lie to herself was false. 

Because how can she be unloved when Lisanna existed?


End file.
